Know Your Ranma Cast
by DeadShaggy
Summary: Disembodied voice tells you all about the cast of Ranma One Half's secrets. Well, some of them.


Know Your Ranma ½ Cast

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Kasumi Tendo...

... Has been convicted of murder twice...

"Oh my! You shouldn't lie like that."

Oh, but it's the truth... I was talking with the cop who gave me your record, and he was like "That Kasumi is a cold-blooded killer. And she kicked a puppy once."

"I think you must have the wrong Kasumi Tendo."

No, I know you're the one, because they caught you on tape killing someone...

"Oh my!"

Kasumi Tendo...

... Spits in the dinner every night...

"I take my duties of taking care of my family seriously, I would never spit in anyone's food!"

... Yeah... Then explain why this pea soup tastes like spit soup...

"That doesn't make any sense! I've never made pea soup..."

Come on... I totally got this pea soup out of your kitchen... Don't lie...

"Well... There was some soup in the refrigerator I forgot to throw out... Could that be what you were talking about, Mr. Voice? I don't think there were peas in it though."

What're these green things then?

"I... Don't know. Akane was experimenting in the kitchen again. After Uncle Saotome was hospitalized from trying some, no one else would touch any. At least she has spirit."

Kasumi Tendo...

... Once burned down a church full of orphans... On Christmas... While they were eating... For the first time in four days...

"That's a lie! Please stop saying those things!"

Hey... Shut up..

Now you know Kasumi Tendo...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Nabiki Tendo...

Likes to party... All the time... With that guy who likes waving his wood at Ranma...

"What?"

You know... That guy... With the stick...

"Kuno? Oh, that's going to cost you big time."

You've got nothing on me...

"You're bound to slip up and reveal something horribly embarrassing about yourself eventually. Nobody gets away with saying that I like being around Kuno!"

Well... You've got a bad haircut...

Nabiki Tendo...

... Likes to feed starving kittens...

"Lies!"

.. To starving puppies...

"..."

Nabiki Tendo...

... Has competed in twelve body building competitions...

"Now what are you talking about?"

Don't hide it... You're totally ripped from going to the gym so much... I bet you can bench press Genma...

"... Are you high?"

No... Are YOU high?

"No. You're the one talking a bunch of nonsense."

I saw you compete once though... You came in last... They gave you the pity prize... Some dumb-bells...

"And exactly when did all of this transpire?"

Couple of weeks ago... The judges were like... "You suck Nabiki Tendo. Don't come back until you stop sucking so bad."

"... You're an idiot."

You wanna take this outside? I'll pummel you...

"......"

Now you know Nabiki Tendo...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Akane Tendo...

... Likes to sneak into the boys changing room at Furinkan high... And watch them change...

"Hey! I'm not a pervert like those stupid boys!"

Uh huh... And I'm not just a voice with no body...

"Shut up! I bet you're just some pervert!"

Your mother...

"My mother's dead...."

Your mother's mother then...

Akane Tendo...

... Makes horrible food on purpose...

"My food's not bad! Just a little different than what people are used to eating!"

Sure. ANYWAY... I know you only cook like that because you have a sick sense of humor... You like to give your family food poisoning... And Ranma especially...

"They love my cooking! And Ranma's just a jerk! He insults me every chance he gets!"

I don't think Ranma can fake being stuck on the toilet... For an hour... Just to tick you off...

"..."

Akane Tendo...

... Is completely obsessed with the Backstreet Boys...

"The who?"

Not The Who... The Backstreet Boys...

"Who?"

The Backstreet Boys...

"No, who are they?"

Just... I'm making fun of you... It's a boy band...

"What?! That's the last thing I'd want to see, a bunch of singing perverts!"

I know you watch them on TV all the time... You're a fanatic...

"What?! I only watched them once! There was nothing else on TV and I didn't feel like training!"

Yeah, sure thing... You crazy fanatic...

Now you know Akane Tendo...

"$&&!!"

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Ranma Saotome...

... Is the heir to a traditional clown training school...

"What? It's the Anything Goes School of martial arts, not some stupid clown school!"

More like the Honk My Nose school of clown lessons if you ask me...

"What are you talking about? Who told you such a stupid thing?"

This guy I know...

"Who?"

You wouldn't know him... Being a clown I'm sure you have no social life...

"..."

Ranma Saotome...

... Is a closet Hello Kitty fanatic...

"What?! I don't watch no show 'bout some stupid c-c-cat!"

Yes you do... I saw you...

"When?"

Last night... You were in a closet... Watching Hello Kitty...

"Come insult my manhood to my face! I dare ya!"

Why... You're just going to beat me up...

"That's the point! Just quit making up lies!"

I'm not lying... I mean... My pants aren't on fire... I think...

"Wait 'til I find you! Then you'll really be burning!"

Whatever...

Ranma Saotome...

... Has a crush on Cologne...

"GAH! That's disgusting man! Just sick!"

Come on... All guys like older women..

"She's like three hundred man! I don't like that old ghoul!"

But you're always insulting her... A sure sign that you like her... And you don't seem to like any of your fiancees much...

"But, um, Akane! Yeah that's it! I l-l-like her!"

It's too late man... I've already told everyone in Nerima that you have a crush on Cologne...

"... I'm gonna puke."

Now you know Ranma Saotome...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Shampoo...

... Is an underground MC...

"What is talking?"

I heard you rap battled Eminem a few years back... And totally trashed him...

"What rap?"

This is getting me nowhere...

Shampoo...

... Wants to marry Bill Gates...

"Who Bill Gates?"

Like you don't know... You want to kill him and take all his money...

"What? Shampoo not know what stupid voice talking about."

Shampoo...

... Her Chinese is even worse than her Japanese...

"What stupid voice talking about?"

Your bad grammar and habit of speaking in the third person...

"How voice know what Shampoo sound like when speak native tongue though? Shampoo Chinese perfect!"

I heard you...

"When stupid voice hear Shampoo speak native tongue?"

Earlier... In the kitchen... Seriously... Enroll yourself in a grammar school...

"Shampoo dare stupid voice to insult Shampoo to face!"

Ow... You gave me a headache...

"Wait when Shampoo find you!"

Now you know, Shampoo... The girl... Not the hair care product...

"Die!"

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Know your cast...

Ryouga Hibiki...

... Secretly has a homosexual attraction towards Ranma Saotome and that's why he's so obsessed with him...

"WHAT?! ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT I"M GAY AND STALK RANMA?!"

Yes... I just said that...

"..."

Ryouga Hibiki...

... Doesn't know what breath mints are...

"YOU SAYING I GOT BAD BREATH?!"

Yeah... I mean, get a tick tac or something... You're killing me over here...

"How can you smell my breath anyway? I don't think you're even in the room."

It's that bad man... I think I'm starting to cry because of it...

"Shut up!"

Hey, you shut up...

Ryouga Hibiki...

... Beat up an old lady over bad directions... And stole her purse...

"W-who told you?!"

... Uh...

Now you know Ryouga Hibiki...

"I was angry! Please don't tell anyone!"

xxx

Notes: I got the idea for this after reading Starcatcher1's fanfic, Know Your Stars. You should go read that too. It's funny.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½, nor do I own any tic tacs. My breath's fine though!


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